If nothing else, know that I love you.

I cant tell you how many times a day I worry that Im doing everything wrong. That Im not spending enough time one on one with my kids, that Im not reading enough with them, that Im not feeding them the right healthy foods, that Im not disciplining them the right way, that Im not instilling the right values deep within them... the list goes on and on. Am I alone in this?! Please tell me Im not.

Being a parent comes with such an enormous responsibility - not only physical but emotional needs that must be met from each little person in your home. And the more kids you have the more people you have to worry about meeting those needs for! I feed my kids everyday, bathe them, get them to school, do their homework, etc. But its all the other things that stress me out. I want to raise kind, loving, helpful, selfless, respectful boys with good morals and standards - which in this day and age I feel is so difficult. The world around them is corrupt, growing dirtier and more selfish every day I feel. So many kids are living an "entitled" lifestyle and have every form of technology at their fingertips. Technology that can be so incredibly helpful and amazing, yet at the same time can be so damaging and hurtful when used the wrong way.

How do I raise my kids to be immune to this? To live in the world but not of it? How do I teach them to make good choices in bad situations, to love everyone, to stand up for those who need a friend. The best way I believe is to lead by example. But even that is hard because how do I get them to understand the moral of the story Im living? I pray all the time that I can be a good example to my children and that I can know how best to teach them all the things they need to learn, that I will understand and know their needs. I feel an enormous amount of responsibility to teach them to be good missionaries, good husbands and fathers. Its overwhelming.  

Do you ever think about what people would say about you if your funeral were today? I know thats a bit morbid and crazy, but really, I think about that sometimes. What memories have I left my children with that they would remember about me even when they are old? What memories have I left with others that they would remember me by if I werent here? If my funeral were today would it be filled with people who loved me and came because I had touched them somehow? If I werent around when my children were grown would they have fond memories of us together? Would they remember the moments we spent laughing and snuggling, watching movies and playing outside? I have to hope so. That is the fuel of my goal each day. My answer to these questions is if nothing else, my children would know that I loved them. They do know that I love them. Sometimes I say to Connor "Do you know I love you?" And his response, "I know Mom, you tell me all the time!" Its funny becuase he says it with an agitated tone as if saying stop telling me already. But, at least he knows! I can teach my children to be loving people by loving them. And if I can do nothing else right (which I hope that Im doing something else right!) then at least I know that they know I love them more than anything on this earth, with every last bone in my body and every inch of my heart.