Friday, June 21, 2013
Bad day...
Today seems to be a crummy day mentally. Everything I see, read and hear seems to remind me that Im not having a girl. Im having a hard time today. Feeling emotional, frustrated, depressed for some reason. Ijust wanna lay in bed and do nothing. I dont know why today Im feeling this way... I have been ok for the most part, today is just wierd. :/ Ilove this little baby no matter what, he is so precious to me... I would never change who he is. Its just hard for me to deal with not having a girl. My heart just hurts today :(
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Liz, I just keep feeling like I'm being led to share with you.. I know a few weeks back on one of your posts about whether it was a boy or a girl I had said or maybe thought *be glad that you have a baby*! I have read through your blog and I feel the pain in your heart. I wanted to share with you that you think these people telling you to be happy to have a baby at all don't know what you are feeling, but that's just it. We do know and we know because we long for a baby, just as you long for a daughter I long to give my husband a son. I have a son who he has raised as his own and we have one daughter who is now 14. I lost a child before her, was close to losing my life while having her prematurely and lost another baby after I had her. It is the worst thing in the world to want nothing more than a baby. Just as you feel you should be Blessed with a girl I feel I should be Blessed with either. I see (not you of course) people everyday posting their great pregnancy news all the while they have children whom they pay no attention to and it hurts. It hurts to know that we have been trying for another child for 14 years and nothing. I always knew I was meant to be a mommy, I just never knew I would only be Blessed with 2. It is hard, it is heart-breaking, and it's especially hard when you'd give anything for either and get nothing. So please don't take offense to what people say to you, it's one of those things of walk a mile in their shoes and imagine how they must feel as well as they should walk a mile in your shoes and know how you feel.
ReplyDeleteFor you I think your plan to just pray after Henry arrives for your next step is the best thing you can do. I have always wondered why you keep saying *this is it, your last chance*. Why because you decided to only have 4 kids? Maybe that was not what God intended for you so therefore be open to say you will deal with the future when it gets here and don't put so much finality on this situation, I think that is making it worse for you. If you'd allow yourself to feel the hope of another in 2 years you would be able to cope with this better! For all you know God wants you to be the next Mrs Duggar ;) You and a beautiful, fabulous momma and you will get your turn. Just sit back and enjoy the ride.
*hugs*