Im actually really proud of myself... I havent been too emotional or crazy (lol) the past two days. I havent cried once! The only thing I have thought about really is that I only have 5 days til I find out what we are having!! Yikes! Im so excited and so nervous all in one. And I have been meeting so many people who have "one of each" or "two boys, two girls." And I just have to be annoyed and I dont even know why. But it makes me so jealous of these people, which is annoying to me in and of itself. I dont want that to bug me. And I would never change my three boys - but why do some get such a "perfect mixture" and some have so many of one gender? I have two friends who have 5 boys and no girls! Crazy. And I know the science behind it, I know its "up to the man" and random but ugh. I was chatting with this model on a shoot I did last week and she was saying she doesnt have any kids but she has always wanted 4, 2 girls and 2 boys because thats what her parents had. I nodded and smiled and said that would be great but good luck lady! I didnt say that, dont worry. But it was certainly what I was thinking. We always wanted that too and you get what you get not what you want. And really like I have said time and time again I would never change any of my boys but I cant help but think how nice it would be to have such a "perfect mixture" too. If this baby is a girl we are still wanting to adopt and I would still want to adopt a girl. I never had a sister and I always (still) wanted one. So it would be so nice to have my three boys and then two girls so everyone has a brother and a sister. Fingers crossed! I have been praying a lot lately to help me find peace and understanding in whatever my path may be. Thats a hard thing to pray for when you have something you want so bad. I just want to pray for a girl, but I know that I need to pray for the Lords will to be done and not what I want. Hard to remember sometimes though.
On a exciting note I think I have felt the baby move twice - just quick little twinges that I feel and then dont feel again. But since this is my 4th Im pretty sure I know what it feels like and Im pretty sure thats what it was. I cant wait to feel it more and more, its my favorite part of pregnancy!
Im feeling very globular (aka big) already! Im barely out of my first tri and I feel huge. My face is feeling fatter, my thighs, butt and arms feel fatter, obviously my belly is bigger. Its all worth it of course but dang, already!?
Learning to align your will with the Lords is one of the greatest challenges you will face. When you learn to say and mean it "Thy will be done" your testimony grows (no matter how much it hurts to say it). Love you Babe!!
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